Everyday I try so hard… well, most days anyway. I try to keep up with the housework, play with my boys, get some me time to work out and read a devotional, give my husband at least a minute or two of attention, be a good teacher at school, and the list goes on. You know what I’m talking about… all the things that are suppose to make you healthier and happier because you have time in your already jam packed schedule, right?! But nonetheless, I give it my all. Admittedly I am not always successful, but not for lack of effort, and sometimes I just want to take a few minutes to breathe and relax.
So let me set the stage… Tuesday night I went to a meeting at my son’s school for 2.5 hours! I didn’t see my kids or even eat dinner so I decided Wednesday would be better. I would be intentional about playing with my boys, make a good dinner, and fold at least one load of laundry. So Wednesday came, and I attempted to do just that. I folded two loads of laundry and made dinner. Sounds successful, right? It wasn’t! Nobody ate my dinner, and I sat through a tortuous meal with grumpy children because I am trying to teach them that at dinner time we sit and eat contrary to what they think. Afterwards, I did the dishes and begrudgingly wondered why I even tried. I literally took all the food from their plates and scrapped it into the dog’s dish. I basically put food on their plates to give myself more dishes. In the midst of trying to get everything done, one of my boys fell asleep on the couch. Insert bad mom thoughts for not playing with him or any of the others for that matter. But back to the one on the couch… by the time I went to carry him upstairs to bed, I noticed he had peed all over himself. Some more negative thoughts creep in… You should of put his pull up on right away. But then he would of woke up. But now you have pee everywhere… including all over the biggest couch cushion. Insert major sigh! Mind you this is all after my day of work outside the home.
So first things first, I cried because that solves a lot. Then, I pulled myself togetherish and grouchily cleaned him up, put the pull up on, tore off the couch cushion cover, and threw it in the washer.
By now it’s pretty late, and I’m not feeling so hot, but I still have so much to do. Diaper bags need packed for Grandma’s house tomorrow and so do lunches for school. As I am going over my mental checklist, I remember my oldest has a play date tomorrow. Mind you, he’s five, but nonetheless in my mind I need that couch cushion cover back on by then. Why????? I battle with myself. Five year olds don’t care about that and probably wouldn’t even notice. But even though I know it doesn’t make sense, it is what it is, and I want it back on by then. I’m too tired tonight though. I decide I’ll wake up extra early tomorrow morning to work out, pump, read a devotional, pack diaper bags, lunches, and fix the damn couch cushion.
So I wake up early as promised and do all the things. By the time I leave though, that couch cushion cover still isn’t dry. I go to work and struggle through the morning because I’m feeling sick to my stomach. Finally, a substitute is secured, and I leave just before lunch and go find the couch… you know, the one with the missing cushion. I sleep there and set an alarm to get the oldest and his friend off the bus. I get up early enough to shove the cushion back into the cover because remember five year olds care.
So fast forward to Friday… I’m feeling much better. I have a productive day at work. Afterwards, I take my oldest to the store to have him spend his own money on the new markers he wants. I’m feeling like a really good mom. Laundry is pretty caught up, the house is cleanish, and my oldest and I are going to watch a movie together, just the two of us. We get home and settled, and since I picked him up he’s been talking nonstop about how he really wants hot cocoa. He’s five, pretty responsible, and the little boys aren’t home so I make him a cup and put it on the coffee table and just guess what happens?! He spills his hot cocoa all over the damn couch cushion. Oh the irony of it all. Lord give me patience!
He says he’s sorry over and over, and I can tell he truly feels bad. I again pull off the cushion cover and throw it in the washer. There is a cushion missing from the couch again… twice in one week.
So here’s what that missing couch cushion taught me. Ready for this magical reveal… ‘Tis life! The missing couch cushion can remind me of the daily struggles and how something is always going wrong, OR it can remind me that it’s life and if this is my biggest problem I’m pretty lucky. Better yet, I’m blessed to have kids who spill on the couch cushions in the first place.
I will never be caught up with life and even on the nights that are suppose to be good and relaxing, things will still go wrong. And… it’s ok. What truly matters is not what goes wrong, but how I react to it. I wanted to yell at him and lecture him about how I just washed it and how I so badly wanted to sit down. But what would that have solved? Absolutely nothing! He’s five. He wasn’t trying to spill. It was an accident. So I sighed, took a few breaths, and said it’s ok.
After all was well, we snuggled up on the other cushions… you know the ones not missing, to enjoy the movie, and you aren’t going to believe what happens… He spilled water all over another couch cushion, and I had to just laugh because come on!
Don’t worry, I eventually got smart and took all the drinks away. But I’m here to remind you… ‘Tis life, and regardless of how you feel in the moment… it’ll be ok. I promise. (Coming from a mama who often loses her temper and is trying to be better and let the small things go.)
Motherhood & Me 